this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
