We should be called the Road Head Warriors
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
