we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
