we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
