i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This is the high leading the old right now
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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