I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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