It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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