u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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