I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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