Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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