Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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