and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
