atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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