I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
