His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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