My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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