so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
