That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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