had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize