Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
