think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
