I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
