I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
