i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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