normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
