I just cut my nipple shaving
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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