I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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