"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
