lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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