dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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