I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
no, he came in my armpit
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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