All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
