mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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