Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
