I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
