Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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