Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
nutella sex= disaster
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
