Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
