Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
