Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
