she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
