Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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