so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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