Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
