Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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