Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
