First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
