Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
