if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
