"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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