ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
