i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's blow job season.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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