Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
