yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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