Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
