Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
