How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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