I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
