worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
