I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I need to align my fucking chakras
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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