Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
