I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
