I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
