i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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