I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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