yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
