I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize