fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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