This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I could make wine with my vomit
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
