Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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