is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My penis needs a shock collar
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
