I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
