Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
