so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just had sex on a roof
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
