Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
