this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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