so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
