Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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