I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How naked do you want me to be?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
