I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
