Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
